According to the Telegraph, Bob Dylan has been approached by multiple GPS manufacturers to be the voice of their GPS system.
While this is ludicrous on the face of it (having listened to Bob for many years, let’s face it, clarity ain’t his strong suit), I find that the best part of the whole story is what people have to say about it. Some of the comments on Digg about this development are truly the greatest remarks I’ve ever seen.
There’s the predictable ones about his clarity, or lack thereof:
“tuhhhhh lef at the lighhhhh”
The natural comparisons to other celebrities doing GPS directions (such as Arnold Schwarzenegger in this case)
“Dis Twaffic sucks. GET TO DAH CHOPPA!”
Or Alan Rickman, which had this as my own contribution:
You need to take
Do not disappoint me.
And this one:
BILLY MAYS HERE. TURN RIGHT AHEAD POINT 1 MILES.
Or an R. Lee Ermey one:
“I SAID RIGHT YOU WORTHLESS WASTE OF SHIT, I HAVEN’T SEEN DRIVING THIS BAD SINCE I LET MY WIFE DRIVE”
“IF GOD WANTED YOU ON THE TURNPIKE HE WOULD HAVE MIRACLED YOUR ASS ON THERE BY NOW.”
Of course, reworked song lyrics:
Come gather round people wherever you are,
And thank you kindly for using on-star,
And I will help you to maneuver your car,
For the trip you are arranging!
So don’t miss that turn,
And don’t go too far!
Oooh, your destination is a-changing!
Even a pretty decent meta reference comment:
Well, in these modern times, I’m not sure this would be street legal. I mean, when you’re going down highway 61, I’d imagine you’d be fine. You and John Wesley Harding can gaze at the Nashville skyline all you want while using the GPS. But when you’re on those back roads, the system might miss some railroad tracks, leaving you stranded with a slow train coming. If you don’t know to move, oh mercy, there’s going to be blood on the tracks. I can see why one would desire such a GPS, though, as they’ve saved many people from having to drive in circles until the new morning before finding their destination. Well, I guess the times, they are a-changin’, and when you’re out on the road, under a blood red sky and trying to bring it all back home, a GPS will definitely keep you from freewheelin’ for too long.
Digg comments are often a wasteland of human misery and suffering (not as bad as YouTube comments, but close), however this one is pretty good and worth checking out.