All posts by Samuel “Otto” Wood

How WP affected me

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Since everybody else is doing a blog post about how they got started with WordPress, figured I might as well give up my story too. Hey, a blogger’s gotta blog. ;)

Originally, this was a story about WordPress. But I’m not posting it on my WordPress blog, because as I wrote it, I found that this isn’t a story about how I use WordPress, as such. It’s a story about how using and working with and on WordPress has impacted my own life. So it’s on my personal blog. This may reduce the number of readers, but whatever. :)

This is long. So, click through the more link to read it.

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MAN COOK MEAT WITH FIRE

Not “man show fire to meat and then eat it while it still squirts and pulses.”

KILL IT DED WITH FIRE YUS

“Medium rare” = “good vet could get it up on its feet in an hour or two.” That’s not cooked with fire. That’s threatened with fire.

I DO NOT SEASON STEAK

Start seasoning steak and before you know it? You’re French. No. I go to my personal butcher and say, “Give me a piece of meat that’s been sawn off an animal.” And they throw me a chunk of animal. And then I say “Show me the animal this meat was sawn off.” And they show me a picture of a crying cow with a gaping hole in its side. And I say “Did the animal cry when you sawed my piece of meat off it?” And they show me a Ziploc bag full of cow tears. And I say, “Rub that on my steak! Let that be my seasoning!”

Second email to my condo management company

> Otto:
>
> Thank you for the note. Help is on the way this morning.
>
> Pete

Howdy Pete!

After walking up six flights of stairs, I’ve lost more than a little faith in your definition of “help”.

Don’t get me wrong. After the sudden flooding rain downtown and the ensuing lightning storm, I fully get it. Shit breaks. No problem.

But, and here’s the thing, if the “usual” guys haven’t been able to get it to work on a reliable basis for almost 5 fucking years, then I’m not 100% sanguine about their ability to suddenly magically acquire the necessary skills to “fix it”.

Perhaps you should look into a different maintenance company? Maybe one with the “skills” to fit the “bills”. Just saying that, right now, after having to, once again, “hike” to my freakin’ condo, I’m thinking that perhaps we might be paying you guys (and by extension, the elevator maintenance company) a tad too much.

Needless to say, fucker’s still broken. Just so you know.

-Otto

Email to my condo management company…

Hi!

FIX THE FUCKING ELEVATOR.

It’s broke. Again. Stuck on the fifth floor. For no reason whatsoever. No weather, no power outage, no nothing.

This is like the fifth time in 2 months.

What is so hard about this? What is the major malfunction? Is elevator science new or something? Why can we not get a fucking elevator that works for more than 2 fucking weeks?

Is it money? Is it sex? Is there some kind of magical fairy fucking unicorn that is needed to solve this god-damn problem? I dunno. Do you? DOES ANYBODY KNOW?

Hire somebody worth a shit and get the god-damn thing corrected. Or somebody, at some point, is just going to stop fucking paying.

Nothing personal. Just a tad ticked off.

-Otto

The Pirate Bay trying to launch flying server farms…

TPB says that they want to have their servers flying over international waters.

While I’m sure that this is pretty unrealistic, though certainly do-able, if they actually get it to work then there’s only one real response I can make:

On another note though, I don’t see how this solves their basic problem. They still have to have that radio link on some shore somewhere. In a sense, this is no different than if they put the things on a boat and ran a bunch of cables to land. Ignoring potential attacks on the boat, those cables have to touch ground somewhere, and that’s the point of attack. Unless you have lots of them and have them possibly mobile, which is at least more feasible with radio than with undersea cables.

I suspect that the idea is more of a political talking point. They do seem to love coming up with those.