How to cook properly

MAN COOK MEAT WITH FIRE

Not “man show fire to meat and then eat it while it still squirts and pulses.”

KILL IT DED WITH FIRE YUS

“Medium rare” = “good vet could get it up on its feet in an hour or two.” That’s not cooked with fire. That’s threatened with fire.

I DO NOT SEASON STEAK

Start seasoning steak and before you know it? You’re French. No. I go to my personal butcher and say, “Give me a piece of meat that’s been sawn off an animal.” And they throw me a chunk of animal. And then I say “Show me the animal this meat was sawn off.” And they show me a picture of a crying cow with a gaping hole in its side. And I say “Did the animal cry when you sawed my piece of meat off it?” And they show me a Ziploc bag full of cow tears. And I say, “Rub that on my steak! Let that be my seasoning!”

More bacon goodness

Just when you thought you had had enough bacon, Texas once again brings us the perfect side item to go with steak.

Chicken Fried Bacon
(photo by carabou)

Yes, chicken fried bacon. Bacon and fried, together at last! Truly, this is a glorious day in the cholesterol clogged hearts of all men.

And for those of you who think that mixing it with a couple pounds of steak seems a bit insane, then I tell you sir, that you must see the following film, and learn the ways of the steak and bacon side item.

Originally found here.